Death in the country



I know it is part of life. I know its the country, but a few weeks ago Jasper and Jeffery caught
a rabbit in the back yard. It could not get out and I heard the scream, the rabbit scream. Jeffery had the bunny. I finally got the two dogs in the house and was going to help the bunny get out I  of the  yard somehow, but when I got to it, it was too late, I could see it was not moving. I could see it was gone. Still warm, but gone.
I cried. I wailed cried. It was raining and I was in the back yard crying because the rabbit was killed, innocently. I was deeply disturbed by this. I went to get the shovel and in the pouring rain, I could not lift the rabbit, even touch it with the long shovel. The rabbit layed there for 3 days in the pouring rain until I could finally muster the nerve to get it into a body bag and dispose of it.
Well, a co-worker after hearing my sad story said "Well, where are the babies?", "Babies????"  I said it was a male bunny, it was rather big it looked more male than maternal. Well, the next week, I was mowing the side lawn, the grass was so high from all the rain.........and there it happened, A baby bunny flew out from under my push mower, dying in front of my eyes....this was worse than anything I had ever experienced. I cried and wailed up and down the driveway, so terribly upset. I had two friends on their way over, we were going to the Lilac Festival in Rochester. It is true, your best friend will help you bury the body. I could not even go over there and look. These deaths have deeply disturbed me. How would I ever be able to have chickens or a goat? Maybe I needed this insight. Yesterday, it was Jasper's 8th birthday. My little love. I spent the day spending money at the garden nurseries with Katherine, I was potting herbs, I left the fence gate open, Mr Houdini escaped and I was not paying attention. I didn't even know how long he had been wandering. I had no idea which way he went. I was yelling up and down the street, was he in the apple orchard behind me? I was frantic, I just gave him a bath and his collar was off. Finally, there he was ACROSS THE STREET. ACROSS ROUTE 63 THE TRUCKING . ROUTE.  18  wheelers all day long!!!!! His only saving grace may have been the fact that it is 30 MPH here. I have been thanking God every 5 minutes. Before I fell asleep cozy with my boys beside me I knew this could have been a different ending to this day and I thank God for saving my little Jasper from harm. I will never never never leave that gate ajar. It reminds me of the first time I went across the street by myself, I was around 3 or 4 on Skillen st and my mom spanked me so hard. My dad came home and I told him mom already spanked me and that didn't matter, he spanked me too. Just now it came to me, a year or two before that my brother Lonnie drowned. I was 9 months old. They did not want to lose yet another child to an accident. I KNOW I should not even be thinking this......but I also had a couple beloved dogs get hit by cars on my mother's watch, or should I call it Un-watch. I had such rage toward my mother growing up. Could it be because of this? And now yesterday, I did what she did. I am not sure what I need to learn from this. Right now it is to be more mindful of my animals and keep an eye on them, which I usually am ever watchful most times. Death in the country is not something I want to get used to.